Since I decided to come out, I have a completely new perspective on images of women I see online or on TV. No longer do I feel pressure to look like them, long to emulate their aesthetic, or bemoan the fact that my body will never look like that. I'm pansexual, so of course, I find women attractive, but now I can look at them, and they are, well -- them. As in, not me. I can find a girl hot and not feel like I have to look like her to be attractive.
I hope this does not end up translating into looking at images of men and feeling too much pressure to conform to an unrealistic male aesthetic. I don't think I will, though, because I will be too busy marveling at the changes in my own body and creating myself over again, This will, of course, include doing things like working out, but I never expect to be "ripped" or anything. I've got dad bod, and you know what? That's okay. I find it ever so much easier to love myself in my own skin as a man than I did as a woman.
Which is kind of sad, knowing there is so much more pressure put on women to look perfect all the time. I'm seeing it from the other side, already, even this early in my transition, and it is staggering. An unfair double-standard. A testament to the pain I went through most of my life, and most women go through most of their lives, just to be considered presentable. I can even see how some people might accuse me of transitioning because I want to be "lazy" about my looks, or that I just want male privilege.
Well, as I said in an earlier entry, male privilege is something I'm actually quite afraid of. I don't want to lose sight of reality, of the whole of my being--- who I was, who I am, who I will be-- and my responsibility to treat others with the respect and love they are due without pretense. I don't think I will fall prey to this, but I want to keep on my toes.
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