As a man...

Mar. 9th, 2019 12:21 pm
morgan_edwin: (Default)
 Some unpacking.

In a previous entry, I said I had some trouble standing up and saying that I am a man, because of all the negative connotations that go with that word. Call me a boy, call me a guy, call me a transguy, call me a son-of-a-bitch, I don't care. But "MAN" is hard. This entry is an attempt to get me more comfortable with the idea of being what I am.

As a man, I will:
  • Not lose touch with my sensitivity to other's needs
  • Not contribute to toxic masculinity, and respect women
  • Be the best example to other transmen (and people in general) I can possibly be
  • Not oppress others
  • Love myself through my transition
  • Not "overdo it" by shunning things considered feminine in my life if I like them
  • Not hurt myself by taking things too fast
  • Hope for acceptance from my mother, but not expect it

I think that's a good start. I don't have to, and don't want to be, Arnold Schwarzenegger or John Wayne. I can't relate to the super-masculine, look-at-my-muscles culture, and I don't want to. I will be my own man. Morgan Edwin Odysseus Wagner is a fabulous, artsy, pansexual, polyamorous man, and he's ready to get used to being called a man in addition to "boy" or "guy" or "dude." You can call me a man, because that's what I am. 

As a side-note, I think those commercials for testosterone supplements are the epitome of what I don't want to be, and they're kind of triggery. Gross.




morgan_edwin: (Default)
I can think of myself a guy, or transmasculine. I can think of myself as a boi, or a boy, or male, or just trans. But, for me, "MAN" is just such a loaded word, and it shouldn't be. I'm 41 years old FFS. I am not a "boy." I feel like I have a lot of unpacking to do around the word "MAN" and what it means to me. Negative connotations seem to stick to it. Maybe I feel that if I don't call myself a "MAN" I am not going to contribute to toxic masculinity. Have any other FtMs ever had weird feelings about words describing the male gender?

I
 am a feminist. Maybe it's all because MEN have been oppressors for so long, and even though I feel male inside, I don't want to contribute to the stereotypes. I'm never going to be a "manly man" or a "dudebro" or any of that stuff. I'm just me. I didn't grow up with the pressure that men have to be, well, MEN, and I actually think that's kind of a good thing. Transition is sort of like getting to grow up again, only this time, you know stuff. But I'm getting off on a tangent. 

I know I'm transmasculine. I know I must transition. But I have the hardest time saying "I am a man."  Maybe I should, though, because I can stand up and say "i am a man" and be a new kind of man who isn't toxic. Maybe that's why I've been tasked with this journey by the powers that be. 

In other news, my mother and I are fine talking about anything other than "it", and I've emailed her a pamphlet specifically about parents finding out their adult children are trans. I hope she reads it and realizes she's not alone.

July 2019

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910 111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031   

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 12th, 2025 01:20 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios