![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Being a trans guy "in the wild"
Mar. 18th, 2019 11:18 pm Today was the first day I was out in the world as myself without anyone else as a buffer. I had to go visit my boyfriend at the hospital (long story), and then I went to McDonald's, and to a gas station to get some stuff for my boyfriend who was staying at the nearby Motel 6. I came in contact with men, and I wondered how they perceived me-- as a butch woman or as a man. I think I passed. The reason I think I passed is because I got no reaction at all from any of them. I was just this guy, you know?
And I used the men's room and I realized that the pronoun button I was wearing was actually a dead giveaway. I didn't need it. That's right. I don't need to wear a button every day to remind me of who I am or express my identity to others. I'm just Morgan, full stop. I'll wear the button at appropriate events such as support groups and conventions, but otherwise, I'm not wearing it out anymore. I feel like it's some kind of mini milestone. Maybe it's the new glasses. They are pretty snazzy.
The one problem I am having is voice dysphoria. I know that my voice is low for a woman's, but it's still a dead giveaway. I'm trying to find a way to talk and sound male without sounding like a cartoon character. Until I get on T, I'm going to have to figure something out. Voice coaching has been suggested, as have YouTube videos. I"ll do some research later.
I haven't had much dysphoria about my chest. As long as I'm wearing my binder, I feel pretty secure. I did have a moment today when I realized my hoodie (which is cut for a woman) was feminizing my profile a bit, so I unzipped it and shoved up the sleeves.
Anyway, another successful day of being me. I expect them to continue. I'm looking forward to going to my first transmasculine support group tomorrow night, and I'm hoping to make a few new friends.
And I used the men's room and I realized that the pronoun button I was wearing was actually a dead giveaway. I didn't need it. That's right. I don't need to wear a button every day to remind me of who I am or express my identity to others. I'm just Morgan, full stop. I'll wear the button at appropriate events such as support groups and conventions, but otherwise, I'm not wearing it out anymore. I feel like it's some kind of mini milestone. Maybe it's the new glasses. They are pretty snazzy.
The one problem I am having is voice dysphoria. I know that my voice is low for a woman's, but it's still a dead giveaway. I'm trying to find a way to talk and sound male without sounding like a cartoon character. Until I get on T, I'm going to have to figure something out. Voice coaching has been suggested, as have YouTube videos. I"ll do some research later.
I haven't had much dysphoria about my chest. As long as I'm wearing my binder, I feel pretty secure. I did have a moment today when I realized my hoodie (which is cut for a woman) was feminizing my profile a bit, so I unzipped it and shoved up the sleeves.
Anyway, another successful day of being me. I expect them to continue. I'm looking forward to going to my first transmasculine support group tomorrow night, and I'm hoping to make a few new friends.
